photo by Justin Durner
If ever there were a perfect time to be an extrovert, it is right here and right now. While extroverts rule the World Wide Web, introverts like myself sink deeper and deeper into our own minds. My Facebook page is chock-full of ferocious rants and Type A vomit. Some introverts find therapy through social media, but I just ask myself, “Why? What is the point? I don’t get it.” Today, I will confess on my own blog and for personal reasons alone, that I HATE social media (oh, the irony). If you are a true introvert, you understand why.
I started writing music because it was something I could do by myself. If you ask my bandmates, they’ll tell you I’m a bit psychotic in the way I write music. I like to be in an empty space, with no pictures on the wall or any distractions of any kind. I go to a place in my head and don’t come out for several hours. Sometimes, this deep sea exploration can last for a few days. When I’m ready to come up for air, I usually have several solid ideas completed. Then, I become anxious about sharing them with the band. I’ve made myself sick to the stomach with anxiety. In recent years, I’ve learned to control it. Once I do share it and we start working on the arrangement and production, I get a feeling that can best be described as… um… orgasmic. You now have the REAL reason why musicians put up with months of touring in a van, making little to no money, crashing on strangers’ floors, only to come home to bills piled up and a shitty part-time job. It is all for that feeling.
Don’t get me wrong… our live shows and connecting with our fans is just as rewarding, but for an introvert like me, it’s also quite exhausting. If I say strange things at shows or seem uninterested, that’s not the case at all. It’s that my mind often steals the show. I constantly scan rooms, noting the eclectic clothing, calculating how wasted the dude in the flamingo-pink shirt is, and analyzing how the girl in the front row moves her arms during a song she knows. I could make small talk… wait, no I can’t. I wouldn’t do that because I don’t have much to say and it’s mostly because I think things like, “I wonder if that bike in the corner belongs to the bartender and did he bring a change of clothes because I’m sure he sweat his ass off in this 93-degree weather.” That would just be a weird way to start any new conversation. Me not having anything to say is not an advantage. In the music business, networking is crucial. In fact, it’s me who should be best friends with Shirley Manson. “You’ll never get to support Garbage otherwise (says Anonymous Agent)”? Here’s where I rely on a therapy I often try not to get carried away with… ladies and gentlemen, meet Gin & Tonic. I don’t always talk, but when I do…
Do know this – that I love extroverts and am surrounded by them every day. They bring a unique balance to my life and if anything, I just like to watch them do their thing. I could never be so articulate or well defined as I am when my fingers are on a keyboard. The fact that I can hit backspace, select all, and delete is comforting. I am in awe of extroverts and their ability to shine in any social environment. The way they can move about a room and strike up conversations with strangers is an art. Me, however, I like to take my time. I like to observe. I like to research. I like numbers and stats. I like to take breaks. I like being alone. Sleep on that… or go tweet about it. #wtfdoItweet
Edited by Meghan Tierney